But you two always seemed so happy! Yeah, we did. On the outside. Isn't that always the case? Unhappy couples excel at hiding their pain and convincing the world that they are happy. And sometimes, they even manage to convince themselves that they are happy. At least this was the case in my marriage.
I convinced myself that I was happy enough. That it could always be worse.
Prince Charming convinced himself that we had worked through our troubles, when really we merely swept them under the rug.
We were simply going through the motions.
But the marriage was broken. Irreparable. And the unhappiness took over.
So much of that unhappiness can be seen on this blog, if you look close enough and get past the "Oh, she is just a bitter stepparent" stigma.
The simple truth is that Prince Charming and I both were not able to be the kind of partner that the other needed.
It didn't happen overnight.
It was years in the making.
Years of arguing. Pleading. Therapy. Followed by resignation.
And after many attempts no amount of King's horses or King's men could put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
It was my call. My words that started the process to ending our marriage.
He's hurt. He's angry.
I'm not paying for a lawyer. *I* am NOT paying for another lawyer.I can understand that. We've lost a fuckton of money to lawyers over the past 13 years.
So we agreed going the route of a mediator instead. Determined to show our kids that parents can get divorced without it turning ugly and nasty. (Cinderella is our biggest motivator. She has seen more ugly and nasty than necessary.)
But even a mediator has proven to great for our budget.
We've tried to remain friendly but with so much raw emotion that has proven difficult, if not impossible, especially on his end.
Words go unspoken, emails unanswered, face-to-face dealing are awkward and hostile.
Feelings and opinions are repressed and replaced by passive-aggressive behaviors or pissy texts.
So now we are in this limbo - splitting our time between the (rental) home we tried building with the kids and our respective corners the rest of the time.
There are so many parallels to his divorce with Maleficent it's scary. But when you consider the one common denominator in both of these situations, it's not that surprising. And quite frankly, it has me feeling a bit defeated for we all know how long things have dragged on with them.
I don't know when or how things will move forward.
In the meantime, I am part-time Mom, part-time single gal trying to move on, get my groove back, rediscover who I am and learn how to be happy.
I believe we both deserve that.
